{Disclaimer: people are nuts. We’re all nuts, and we all have those days. I love people and the inherent challenge of meeting their needs each and every day, but to quote my favorite Jimmy Buffett song, “if we couldn’t laugh, we’d all go insane!”}

Service-type industry workers the world over know that there are universal truths: the holidays will be exhausting. The customer is always right, except when they aren’t. Under-promise and over-deliver. Staying open the extra 10 minutes is almost never worth it, except that one time (urban myth), but we’ll always do it. And so on, to infinity. We’re united in the ability and willingness to serve others in some capacity, and we really do try our best to take the masses as they come.

Consumers are a notoriously fickle bunch, pledging firm allegiance one moment and turning their collective backs the next. We know this, we expect this, and as consumers ourselves, we forgive it. But it is the individual, rather than the group, that can make or break our day — and I really, truly don’t mean by how much money is spent. It’s how you act (or react) to the world around you that makes all the difference, so the following is but a brief summary of Dearly Beloved Consumer behavior & attitude.

— I want you to look at my ring because _____________ but it can be tough to get off the finger. So obviously, sticking my entire finger in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it, then pulling it off and handing it to you is the BEST idea. You’re obviously eager to embrace the totally unsanitary situation, including when you must bring said ring up to your face to inspect it with a loupe.

— Do you clean jewelry? Great, because I was just outside all weekend gardening, spreading mulch, shoveling out the horse barn, and painting the shed. Can you get all that out of my ring right now, and by the way it’s 22K gold so don’t use a brush and scratch it!

— I’d like to purchase 15 of these little charm bead thingies, and have each one wrapped individually. But I’m double-parked in a no-parking zone during a snow ban, so why aren’t you hurrying? And since I’m buying so many, can I have a discount?

— I want this sterling silver ring my now-married daughter gave me when she was five sized up from a 6 to a 10 right now so I can wear it to her baby shower in ten minutes. Your goldsmith isn’t here, and even if she was she can’t do it on the spot? What kind of jewelry store is this?!

— I can’t wait two weeks to have my grandmother’s strand of faux pearls restrung for my cousin’s wedding in three months.

— I’m looking for a 1.63ct E, VVS1 round diamond. I have a friend with a buddy in the jeweler’s building in X city but I wanted to see if your prices were as good as his. He said I could probably get close to what I want for {ridiculously low price}.

— I found a ring EXACTLY like that one over there online for half of your price. Obviously you guys have a HUGE markup and you’re bad business people and scammers.

— If it isn’t made with 100% recycled, fully sustainable, zero-carbon-footprint, conflict-free materials and locally-sourced labor, I’m just not interested. You guys should work on that.

P.S. Yes, the featured image is my very own Maine Coon. Meet Perkins, doing his best sleepy/grumpy cat impression. That’s the face he’d make if he heard a customer ask, in all seriousness, why we aren’t open until at least 11pm 7 days a week.