Are you ready for something scandalous?

If you’re sensitive to some rather suggestive content, I strongly recommend you stop reading right now. Of course, if you clicked on the blog title already in anticipation of the titillating, then by all means stick around.

What I’m about to ask of you — Ms. or even Mr. Reader — is very personal. You might disagree with it, feel wronged or slighted, and potentially get a little bit offended.

That’s okay. I’m going to do it anyway. It’s for your own good, I promise.

Here it is:

Next time you’re at home, preparing yourself for a long session of sweaty, steamy, soapy, messy hard work… take off your jewelry. All of it.

Strip yourself bare of any adornment, particularly the kind made out of gold or  silver and gemstones. I don’t care of you do it as quickly as possible or turn it into an all-out, music-timed strip show. Just do it.

Ask a friend or lover (or both) to check you over for missed spots before you go. He or she should visually and physically ascertain that you are no longer wearing any jewelry on any part of your body that might come into contact with something sticky, smelly, icky, corrosive, or permanent. And they should be very thorough, just in case.

Now, this might be a great time to corral your precious treasures in one place and give them a once-over. If everything looks to be in good shape, how about warming up a little water and dish soap in a bowl and leaving it all in there to soak while you go about doing whatever chemical-ridden, paint-splattered, dirt-covered activity you had planned.**

Of course, if you just can’t hit pause long enough, just place everything gently in a velvet-lined tray or peanut-packed shoebox on your bureau. It’ll be there when you’re finished.

Once your various vigorous activities are concluded, don’t forget to wash up. Perhaps invite that helpful person back in to make sure you’re thoroughly cleaned — you know, just in case you missed a spot.

Once you and your jewelry are dry, celebrate your reunited status by recounting every detail of every story you associate with each piece. That helpful person will certainly want to stick around for this part, I’m sure.

Now that you feel satisfied by your accomplishments for the day, reward yourself with dinner, drinks, and an evening of light-hearted and casual shopping at your local fine jewelry store. After all, you worked hard today. You deserve it.

**Gold, platinum, diamonds, and hard gemstones ONLY, please. Leave the soft-cloth-cleaning of the pearls for another day, keep the opals and amber high and dry, and put down the toothbrush before you touch anything 18k. K?